Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Feeling blue

I got home on Sunday afternoon. My wonderful husband had cleaned my house. All I've done the past couple of days is laundry and schooling my son. I haven't even cooked.

I'm feeling a little sad about everything. It's natural to feel sad about my aunt. I regret not having much of a relationship with her the past 15 years or so. I am sad that my grandma is ill and things are not looking up for her. I'm sad that my parents (especially my dad) have to deal with some very difficult decisions and some sleepless nights as my dad spends the majority of his time with my grandma.

I'm just generally blue. It's easy to be away from family when things are going smoothly, but when things are kinda rough, it's hard to be in no position to help whatsoever.

I already talk to my son about trying to stay close to us when he is making life decisions about where to work and raise a family. Once you make that decision to build a life somewhere else, it's hard to unravel it. I hate to think of him having to write a Georgia Expat blog one day to cope with his feelings about being away from family. :)

I know everything will work out. I'm happy to be home in GA, happy to be back to my life. It's just the worry and sadness that are getting to me. Honestly, the worry and sadness would be with me even if I lived in WV closer to family.

There's some things that you can't get away from --- even when you are 500 miles away.


A. said...

Oh you are so right. It's less about geography than most people think. It's not only the miles that separate us from loved ones. Every day life gets in the way.

You could be living next door and still be filled with regrets, worry and sadness.

I hope you start feeling better. Life is so short and this time with our families is so precious. One day these sons will be grown and living their own day to day. And it won't matter if they are next door or across the country, their life will be their own.

I just try to make as much of these precious moments as I can and not get overwhelmed by the daily routines and worries.

It's natural for you to be down. I hope joy makes a visit to you soon and eases your burdens.


justjuls said...

I am so sorry Tina - I wish I could say I didn't now exactly how you feel, but I certainly do. It is hard. If you read back through any of my blog archives, you will find many similar posts of how much I struggled trying to make Texas my home. I can relate in a very literal way. Please hold on - it tends to come in waves almost like a grief you can't shake.
I am also sorry about your family. It all gets kind of conjoined and we can't even tell someone what we're really sad about.
Hang in there - praying for you and thankful you have a sweet hubby.

justjuls said...

This may be helpful - or not - feel free to look away - but here are some links to some of those posts I referred to - just so you know you're not alone - they are backwards chronologically:

Almost Heaven

Homesick Manifesto


I Don't Know How to Say Goodbye to You - This one has a video I put together.

How Blue

These may help you - it helps to articulate and sometimes it is good for others to help us put things into words. I don't want this to make you more sad - I just want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I haven't asked you - how long have you been in Georgia? Which BTW I have lived there and I think it is lovely. (even if there is no place like home!)

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Luckily, we have interstates and airplanes to keep us all connected.

Tina said...

A -- thanks for your kind thoughts, as always! I am so glad we have gotten to be friends!

Julie -- thanks for the links. It's good to know you are on the verge of going back to WV! I know you will be so happy to get back there!

My husband and I have been in GA for 15 years and, in many ways, it feels more like home than WV. All except for 9 months of our married life has been here and our son was born here. I'm not homesick for WV as much as I am for my family. It was a tough Christmas saying goodbye to my aunt, being concerned over my grandma, worried about the toll all of it is taking on my parents. I came home on Sunday and was happy to come home to my life, but sad because I wish I could do something more for my family in WV. All of my brothers and sisters (who have to return to their normal activities too) feel like that even though they are in WV. It's just an adjustment for the family after losing a loved one and fearing the loss of another one.

ETW -- Yeah, driving the interstate is much more convenient than dealing with a horse and buggy!

But I might encourage my mom to write her friendly WV DOT to do something about the state of the roads on that lovely interstate. The drive from Beckley to Bluefield is kind of bumpy. Where is all my toll money going? :)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I know how you feel, hon. I sit down here with no ability to travel north to Beckley to see my cousin Clorine. It's frustrating, wondering if I'll ever see her again.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Good question about the tolls. My dad worked for the Federal Highway Administration - he was district administrator here in WV before he retired. He used to get so irate about those tolls - because he said those tolls had paid for those roads *years* ago, but they just keep squeezing people for more cash (he passed away in 2004 - before they announced a raise in the tolls...I bet he's spinning in his grave over that one).

A. said...

My husband knows a THING or 2 about WV roads. I asked him about the toll road. They use that money for a certain number of miles of development along the toll road. He gave me numbers and used big words, I half listened. Anyway, your toll money is going to Tamarack (or however you spell it). Well not all of it but you get the picture.

And also, the tolls are going up to $2.